I invited Friedrich Wolf to our expert talk on the topic of “how to communicate with babies and small children” because he has in-depth expertise through his many years of experience in treating babies.
Friedrich Wolf is a craniosacral therapist and has been working on the topic of healing for a long time. He has taught for 25 years and trained many craniosacral therapists. Although he is already of retirement age, he really enjoys his work and continues to do it. His focus is bodywork with babies. He has been training educators, kindergarten teachers and midwives on specific topics such as ADHD, ADD and autism for 15 years.
Craniosacral therapy is a manual therapy that developed from osteopathy. It is an alternative form of medical treatment that can relieve tension and blockages, as special grips have a positive effect on the spinal cord and the central nervous system. The manual treatment is mainly carried out on the sacrum and skull bone.
He asks the baby for permission as he would speak to an adult. “Can I touch you?” He then looks very closely at the body language, which is either inviting, fearful, or rejecting
Many parents take their baby to Friedrich because they first want to know from a specialist whether everything is OK. Some also come because of specific issues such as problems with breastfeeding, babies crying a lot or sleeping poorly. Some babies have physical symptoms such as eczema or digestive difficulties. Some parents also come because they have had a difficult birth, which is often reflected in the shape of the baby’s skull.
” Babies know exactly what we feel. Mirror neuron research shows that babies read and imitate our facial expressions in a very differentiated way. These signals travel via the motor cortex to the limbic system, the emotional area of the brain. This means babies feel exactly what we feel.”
To work with a baby, Friedrich first has a conversation with the parents so he can explain his approach to them. He only allows himself to come into contact with the baby, i.e. to put his hands on his body, when the baby invites him to do so. He never goes against a baby’s will. This is a central element of his work. Babies depend on us to be careful with their boundaries. They cannot clearly define their boundaries, as we adults theoretically can. His job is to read their signs, find out how the baby feels in his presence, because he represents a potential danger to the little creature. That’s why he tries to invite the babies to meet him and give them enough time to get involved in the therapy. He asks the baby for permission as he would speak to an adult. “Can I touch you?” He then looks very closely at the body language, which is either inviting, fearful, or rejecting.
Friedrich emphasizes that babies have non-verbal body language to tell us what they have already experienced. This also includes the experience they had in the womb or the birth experience. He believes that babies want to tell this story about themselves and want us to recognize this. When Friedrich asks the parents about their birth experience, their statements sometimes don’t match what the baby expresses about his body. As a therapist, Friedrich’s job is to recognize and appreciate the baby’s story. Babies definitely want us to recognize when they have been through a difficult story.
The basic attitude with which he approaches the babies is very important. He has to center himself, be very present and not have an agenda. Friedrich also works with the heart field. All people have an electromagnetic field around their body that can be measured. Around our heart we have a particularly strong electromagnetic field that is very suitable for non-verbal communication. Babies sense his intention through the strength and radiance of his heart, so to speak, and can then relax well. This type of communication also works very well with animals, especially mammals.
“ Creating security and safety is the best prerequisite for promoting communication between us and those around us, especially when they are still very small and in need of protection.“
Babies can also read us with their communication skills, one to one. Babies know exactly what we feel. Mirror neuron research shows that babies read and imitate our facial expressions in a very differentiated way. These signals travel via the motor cortex to the limbic system, the emotional area of the brain. This means babies feel exactly what we feel. They feel it in their own body. So when Friedrich is in a bad mood, it doesn’t do him any good to try to give the babies a “happy feeling” because they sense that it’s an exaggeration. Conversely, we could also benefit from babies’ happy and positive facial expressions if we allow this to happen in the same way. this requires us to look them in the eye often and live with them in the moment. Our “growing up and becoming serious” often prevents us from doing so.
Small children who can already speak can be encouraged with a fantasy story. They are already on a different level than babies. They ask questions and are interested in what Friedrich is doing. When their curiosity is aroused, their fears disappear. But even small children still perceive Friedrich’s attitude as very clear and direct.
When communicating, it is always better to give real signals, otherwise we will confuse the other person. If we say one thing, but something completely different is visible in our facial expression, our voice, or our body language, communication and trust are disrupted. We are social creatures and need other people to survive. The means of communication mentioned above are therefore evolutionary designed to enable us to live together successfully. They are, so to speak, survival strategies, not just “nice to have”.
All senses are fundamentally instruments of communication. We often use these unconsciously. Since babies cannot survive on their own, their sensory perception is much more subtle and precise than us adults. Creating security and safety is the best prerequisite for promoting communication between us and those around us, especially when they are still very small and in need of protection.
When I asked him what the biggest challenge is for him when he works with babies, Friedrich answers: “The parents!” Especially these days, parents are putting themselves under enormous pressure and studies show that mothers quickly feel guilty. This circumstance in turn stresses the babies because they read their mother one on one. For Friedrich, it is often not easy to make this clear to his parents without them feeling criticized. However, his job is to provide information and explain the neurobiological background. In all difficult situations there is always an opportunity. The parents can continue his therapeutic work once they understand this.
Friedrich concludes: “Our communication is successful when we can handle stressful situations with each other in a caring manner.”
So let’s keep doing yoga!
